SECTION: Sports; Pg. 84

LENGTH: 817 words

HEADLINE: CHARLIE MUSCLE PUMPS UP YANKS
BOSOX STILL BRING OUT THE BEAST IN US

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:


THERE IS really no logical reason to hate the pathetic Red Sox anymore in the right-field bleachers, except that they happen to make us sick to our stomachs.

"You just hate 'em," says Michael Milianta, of Stony Point, N.Y. "It doesn't matter that they stink. It's Bucky Dent. It's a lot of stuff." He is so right. As a Bleacher Creature, I get nauseous just looking at the stylized "B" on their ever-changing cap (Is it blue or red this season? I forget). I chuckle, right down to my rumpled soul, at yet another Dent-like winning homer, this time from Charlie Hayes.

If nothing else, the Red Sox are still a good excuse for a packed house, for us core creatures of Section 39 to gather together in full force, to break a five-game losing streak while mulling over the state of baseball and fan decorum.

The state is not good, even on such a glorious day.

There are a lot of problems, nothing to do with the Yankee bullpen. For starters, there is the promotional travel bag we receive on the way into the stadium.

The bag is too small to hold a jumbo pretzel.

"This is a travel bag for somebody who isn't traveling anywhere," says Tom Brown of Manhattan.

In the old days, Brown might have thrown this bag at a Red Sox fan, or at the nearest marching band. But Brown has mellowed, surprising even himself.

"See what a world championship can do?" Brown says. "I'm 28, and already I have everything I've ever wanted. I'm drinking less. I'm taking time to think a lot of things over."

The bags alone would be enough to ruin a ninth-inning victory. But now a new group of bleacher fans, creature wannabes, have invaded our territory. They have brought their own cowbell, infuriating Milton Ousland the cheerleader officially designated as cowbell successor to the late, great Ali Ramirez.

An ugly confrontation follows. The wannabes taunt the regulars with their phony cowbell rhythms. Finally, Tina Lewis of Queens gets a guarantee from a Yankee security official this will never happen again.

All future unofficial cowbells will be confiscated.

One crisis is averted, through peaceful negotiation. We are an accommodating bunch, but we can only be pushed so far. One skinny guy, sitting in our midst, asks a vendor for a Diet Coke.

A Diet Coke?

"Hey, you got any raspberry seltzer?" we yell, to the amused vendor. "Got any Fresca?" "Any Diet Cherry Coke?"

What a jerk.

There is still an edge to this crowd, probably left over from all the ejections we suffered the night before. There were a lot of fights then. There will be many more when the Mets come to town next month.

"I anticipate reckless abandon," says Sandra Molina of Brooklyn. "People will be drinking and wearing beer. It will be like nothing anybody's seen before."

"When they come here, they are dirt under our sneakers," Brown says. "A Met fan has less chance here than a man in a chimpanzee cage with a banana on his shoulder."

Yesterday, the Boston fans are bad enough. One woman, Lisa Gianquitto from Manhattan, is sitting, barely controlling herself, rooting for the Red Sox. She is originally from Boston.

So you know she's not all there.

"I'm a diehard fan," Gianquitto says. "I didn't wear my hat. I was a little afraid. I'm beginning to wonder why I came here."

One creature decides it is all right for Gianquitto to root for the Red Sox, silently.

"If she stands up, though, I will personally kill her," the fan says.

We are tough. But we are very fair.

We creatures wrestle with moral dilemmas all the time. Like since we are going to root for the American League in the All-Star Game, shouldn't we vote for the worst possible National Leaguers on the All-Star ballot?

The answer is yes. That is an easy one.

Speaking of dilemmas, I must atone for certain reporting misinterpretations in the recent past. They are the sort of corrections you will never see in any part of any other newspaper.

The Bleacher Creature regrets quoting George Chityat of Fort Lee as saying that he misses the dead birds behind the old fencing behind the bleachers. Chityat misses the fencing. He has noticed the missing dead birds. But to suggest, out of context, that he wants the birds to die creates some uncomfortable moments with his animal-loving friends.

The Bleacher Creature regrets reporting an argument between Tina Lewis and Norma Quintana on Opening Day, when in fact Lewis was intervening on behalf of her old friend, Quintana. Somebody else, who should never show her face again, cut in line.

LASTLY, the Bleacher Creature regrets reporting that a fan was astounded to see a woman in the box seats flash her breasts at us creatures below. Yes, the fan was pleasantly surprised at the sight, but it is important to note he has seen many, many bare breasts before, in other settings.

Now can I come back?

Notes: Bleacher Creature



GRAPHIC: GERALD HERBERT DAILY NEWS BERN IT UP: Bernie Williams strokes RBI single to right in first inning.

LOAD-DATE: May 27, 1997