SECTION: Sports; Pg. 46

LENGTH: 577 words

HEADLINE: EVERYONE'S IN SAME BOAT

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:


BY THE BOTTOM of the first inning in Section 39, the ink on Steve Krauss' scorecard was running down onto his soaked T-shirt. There was no way he could read how Derek Jeter had just fared at the plate, or even who was coming up next.

"It's the authenticity that counts," Steve said, and he continued to fill out his card, noting every Yankee home run for streaky posterity.

It was Creature Weather yesterday for the opener at the Stadium, the sort of soggy, raw day that brings everybody down to our disheveled level or drives them out of the park early. Even the fancy, $ 26 box-seat people got their styled hair and their leather Yankee jackets wet, whenever the wind gusted the wrong way. The fair-weather fans suffered foul weather, a sweet bit of irony. Let's see if they come back for the next Tiger series.

Meanwhile, while the Yankees were circling the bases on their way to a 12-3, 6 1/2-inning victory, we were catching up on our own offseasons between the chants and the roll calls.

Joey Lopez got a divorce, in part because of a deep commitment to his first love, the Yankees. Things just weren't working out in the menage a trois.

"This stuff makes and breaks marriages," Lopez said. "I want you to understand that."

It isn't easy being a Creature. Fame continues to dog us.

Seven of the Creatures, including cowbell man Milton Ousland, went down to a Broadway sound studio to lay down some tracks for Tommy Boy Records' next "Rock 'n' Jock" CD. Their language was cleaned up a little through the mixing process.

Tina Lewis, counter diva at Champs on Wall St., appeared briefly in Kevin Costner's film, "For the Love of the Game." She didn't stick with the acting, though, because Tina was understandably incensed that the production crew was using the Stadium box seats to represent the bleachers.

A sporting-goods company rep arrived at Paul Kaplan's home on the eve of the opener, handing out shirts to outfit the Creatures. Kaplan accepted the endorsement and made a promise to himself to stay sober for the entire season. Nobody is holding him to this promise.

Anthony Griek, who missed a playoff game last autumn sitting in a jail cell for scalping tickets, had his revenge yesterday on the justice system. He beat a speeding ticket in court, then took the train to the Stadium in time for the game. If he had driven his car, you can be sure, there would have been another ticket and another court appearance.

Personally, I made a big misjudgment when I brought my laptop bag. Not only was it drenched with rain and beer, it also was spotted by Rob Andre.

Andre noticed that the bag was a souvenir of the 1999 U.S. Figure Skating Championships. This prompted him to recall that I had covered both women's basketball and figure skating in the offseason, something that no Creature wants on his resume.

"I've been reading your stuff," Andre said with a sinister tone. "Everything you write."

IF I DIDN'T PRINT HIS name in today's column, he warned, Andre would make copies of my "All in the Family" column on 13-year-old skater Sarah Hughes, which he had cut out of The News and preserved for blackmail purposes. He would circulate these copies among the Creatures.

I can't lose Section 39 for the 1999 championship run. So I accepted his terms immediately.

Rob Andre is a very nice Creature. Now, please: Burn the original before the Mets come to the Bronx.

NOTES: BLEACHER CREATURE

LOAD-DATE: April 10, 1999