SECTION: Special; Pg. 6

LENGTH: 550 words

HEADLINE: METS NOT WELCOME HERE  FANS: STAY IN QUEENS

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:


WARNING TO MRS. CREATURE: This is not a good time to mess with me, or with my fragile psyche. This is not the weekend for "Notting Hill," or for the unbuilt shelves. There are other, more pressing responsibilities. We Creatures do not look forward to this Subway Series, and to the biennial humiliation of the Mets in our own backyard. Frankly, we resent the effort it requires to put down such an invasion.

Like any peaceful peoples, we would prefer to mind our own business and avoid all contact with plagues and pestilence.

But that is impossible now.

Hostile, spillover fans will come around to Section 39, wearing Met caps and aggressive grins, trying to sit in Ali Ramirez' seat (his bench is now officially retired with a plaque that states, "This seat is taken"). Some misguided souls, itching for debate, will cheer on Mike Piazza. Mr. and Mrs. Met will chant, "Let's Go Mets," as if this were still 1969, and the Mets were still relevant to anybody beyond the borders of Queens and Long Island.

I don't even know why my newspaper keeps reporting their games in such detail, except out of misguided habit. The News would be performing a far more valuable public service chronicling the travails of the MetroStars, who easily outdrew the Mets in their head-to-head last Saturday.

In the right-field stands, we are gritting our teeth, holding our noses. The authorities can bar beer from our section, but they can't banish the passion, the commitment, the disgust.

Tina Lewis says she feels dirty even seeing the Mets in the Bronx, that she has to shower twice after every game.

"I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it," Lewis says.

Larry Palumbo figures the Mets haven't earned the right to step on this hallowed ground. Let them make it to the World Series. Then, they will have earned our heckles.

"It's like giving Columbus a homestand," Palumbo says.

They are a truly pathetic bunch, the Mets. As John McCarthy points out, they have done everything in their power recently hoping to look like the Yankees. They have taken their names off the uniforms, changed the jerseys to darker hues. They've signed a couple of stars by throwing around New York kind of money.

And still, they're just the Mets, battling to stay in the wild-card race, kidding themselves that the Mayor cares enough to build them a new stadium in the parking lot.

I wouldn't sell tickets to that new stadium quite yet.

IN THE MEANTIME, the pecking order must be maintained. Last time around, two years ago, the Mets lost this series at the Stadium and retreated back to obscurity, where they belong.

Now, they are making noise again, like they want to play in our league.

Let us not kid ourselves about one thing: If by some awful twist of fate we lose the weekend series, all will be lost. There is no rationalizing away defeat to the Mets. It would mean utter disgrace. Even another World Championship (I believe the score right now is 24-2, us) will not make up for a lost weekend.

Tina is considering a leap from the Empire State Building, if things go awry. We can't blame her for such dark thoughts.

These are trying times. If we just take care of business, we can go back to baseball next week.

Notes: Bleacher Creature

Notes: Borough Battle

LOAD-DATE: June 03, 1999