SECTION: Sports; Pg. 106

LENGTH: 615 words

HEADLINE: DARN SOX HAVE US SEEING RED

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:


SOMETIMES, even the Creatures can be wrong. Like the time last week when we thought it might actually be fun to get the Red Sox in the playoffs, just so we could torment their fans.

It turns out the Boston fans are so thick-headed, they don't even know when they're being humiliated. They keep cheering, even egging us on, as they're led to the gallows for another public hanging. Meanwhile, they take up far too much space, forcing regular creatures like Tina Lewis into Section 43 and Tom Brown into the Siberian hinterlands of Section 59, Row W.

In Game 1, a bunch of the brainless Red Sox invaders started chanting, "Three, two," at us, actually believing their pathetic excuse for a franchise would hold on to a one-run lead. "Complete idiots," Larry Palumbo called them, and of course he was proved correct.

Then there was the guy with the "B" cap sitting directly in front of Brown, egging people on, drawing peanuts and other missiles from the crowd.

"I was getting a lot of the in-coming," poor Brown said. "Now I guess I know what it feels like."

Fortunately, Brown was not forced to suffer too long from an identity crisis because this particular Red Sox fan was removed from the bleachers for inciting a riot moments before pieces of his clothing could be set on fire.

They are provocateurs, these hordes from the north. One tabloid, the Boston Herald, actually sent a reporter with a Red Sox cap into the crowd last night in order to draw abuse and to report on how uncivilized we are. This was entrapment. Not that we cared. He would get his headlines.

Warning to metropolitan media outlets: Our busy appearance schedule is filling up fast again. Milton Ousland, the cowbell man, was on radio going up against Brown yesterday, during morning drive time. Then Ousland managed to worm his way in front of a camera and started screaming, "We love the Yankees, and you're watching 'Extra'!"

Even media whores like ourselves turned a bit red-faced at this sort of exuberance by Ousland. After all, Milton's status as cowbell man remains very tenuous. An ongoing web site poll shows he has only 38% of the vote, with 19% going to pop idol Ricky Martin and a larger sample weighing in with, "Don't care."

We continue to be persecuted, at the Stadium and in our workplace. Little John was fired just before game time from his job at Hunter College because he was wearing jeans in preparation for a bleacher experience. Steve Krauss was thrown out of Game 1 for standing on his seat.

As for me, the Filip Creature, I am relegated now to cranking out an endless stream of columns (without a raise in two years) from a basement in Yankee Stadium because of inadequate press box space and a low pecking priority. I feel like Rumpelstiltskin, spinning my gold in the dark.

I try to watch baseball games from a TV hanging above my head, only to be told by somebody from The Times that I am disturbing the tranquility of the press room.

THE GAME ENDS and I am no better off. The Daily News sends one too many writers to the game. Guess who is left without a badge for post-game clubhouse access? I must walk many blocks to my car on the street because my name is not on the official parking-lot list.

Once a Creature, always a Creature.

Then, there is Mike Lupica, parking in the lot, sitting in the main press box above home plate, typing merrily away, planning his next appearance on "The Sports Reporters." To get on that show, he doesn't even have to scream, "I love the Yankees, and you're watching ESPN!"

He shows up and he gets a seat. Nobody throws peanuts at him. Nobody tries to replace him with Ricky Martin.

Notes: BLEACHER CREATURE



GRAPHIC: HOWARD SIMMONS DAILY NEWS THIRD DEGREE Paul O'Neill can't come up with Jason Varitek fly ball in second inning last night, resulting in a triple.

LOAD-DATE: October 15, 1999