SECTION: Special; Pg. 16

LENGTH: 585 words

HEADLINE: WE'RE GONNA BE OFF OUR ROCKER  CREATURES BURIED METS & BOSOX, NOW IT'S BRAVES' TURN

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:


BEFORE WE even get to the Braves, the Creatures wish to bury the Mutts and Red Sox in a decent, dignified fashion.

Contrary to far too many reports, the Mets do in fact have much to be embarrassed about. They didn't listen when we told them not to get Kenny Rogers. They didn't listen when we told them there was no chance for a Subway Series. They didn't listen when we told them to move out of the city and concede us our rightful, historical monopoly. "Amazin', all right," says Chris Cartelli, Section 39 Rookie of the Year. "Amazin' they thought they had a prayer."

Mike Donahue hypothesizes that Bobby Valentine will soon sign a new endorsement deal with Kleenex facial tissues, complete with Met logos, for both players and fans.

Bad Mouth Larry, as always, sees poetic justice in the recent turn of events.

"I am happy it was an old disgrace of our Yankees, Kenny Rogers, who walked in the Mutts' season-ending run," he writes, via e-mail. "And that it was a good friend of ours, Gerald Williams, scoring the final run to end the Mutts' season."

Now, this is very important, so read carefully: We want the Met fans to know that if the Mets had made it to the World Series (in their dreams) and if the Yankees had not (fat chance), we would definitely, positively, be rooting against the Mets long, hard and from the bottom of our coal-shaped hearts.

In return, we demand the same treatment. The last thing we want are some stupid Met fans clogging up the bleachers, cheering for the Yankees because that is somehow best for New York City.

As for the Red Sox and their sorry, bad-arm fans, Vinny Milano lists 20 things that have occured since they last won a championship. Among them: Radio was invented, so the Red Sox fans were able to hear their team lose. TV was invented, so the Red Sox fans were able to see their team lose.

Baseball added 14 teams, so the Red Sox fans could see their side lose to more clubs. The NBA and NHL were formed, with Boston teams winning many basketball and hockey titles. Man landed on the moon, as have several home runs given up by Red Sox pitchers.

So much for old rivalries. We must now focus our energies on John Rocker, who says that Yankee fans say amusing things that cause him to giggle and guffaw.

"Rocker thought Mutt fans were bad he hasn't seen anything yet," Bad Mouth Larry writes. "I hope he doesn't think he is going to shag fly balls at his leisure in right field during batting practice because he will be absolutely bombarded with verbal abuse.

"I believe he called Mutt fans 'animals.' He will soon know the difference between animals and Creatures."

We don't need bottles and cups, like the Boston fans. We have our tireless tongues and our agile minds.

Our top priority, of course, is beating the Braves in either four or five games, so that the victory can become a true Creature-fest in the Bronx.

Last year, we were a bit disappointed that only a few of us were able to make the trip to San Diego. And we definitely don't want to go down to Atlanta, because there is nothing to do in that place after you've drunk their Coke and ridden their mall escalators.

We must guard against overconfidence. We can't allow another 1997 Cleveland debacle, when we were a total non-factor in the first game of the series and let everything slip away in Game 2.

As the Mutts proved, anything can happen in baseball except Kenny Rogers throwing the ball over the plate under pressure.

NOTES: BLEACHER CREATURE



GRAPHIC: HOWARD SIMMONS DAILY NEWS CHOP HOUSE John Rocker thinks Met fans were tough? Wait until he gets a taste of Yankee faithful at the Stadium.

LOAD-DATE: October 23, 1999