SECTION: SPORTS; Pg. 140

LENGTH: 661 words

HEADLINE: CREATURES OF HABIT TAKE A HIT

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:
SUCH A BARGAIN, the Yankees tell the Bleacher Creatures. And it is a good deal, in theory: For as little as $328, the devoted denizens of right field are now able to purchase reserved Section 39 tickets to 41 night games, with rights to buy a ticket to the same seat in the postseason.

Heaven awaits, in the form of a fully vested season ticket. No more begging for playoff seats in October. No more jockeying, or elbowing, for the sacred blue benches. Rumpled Creatures everywhere can buy a co-op of their own, a home to all the necessary mischief. Heckle on. There is a problem, however. Namely, the $328. The core Creatures have until Dec. 23 - bah, humbug - to come up with the dough, or else their non-alcohol, heavily policed section will be rented out piecemeal to the pagan hordes, the irregulars. Less than a week to go, and these people are not Rockefeller, or even Trump's model girlfriend.

The Creatures are making lists, checking them twice. Christmas erasures have become a sad fact of life.

"I know the girlfriends won't be taking this too well, because they will not be seeing presents for Christmas," says Bad Mouth Larry Palumbo. "A man has to do what a man has to do. Now, not only does Yankee baseball get in the way of these sexual relationships between March through October, it is starting to destroy relationships in the off-season."

As Palumbo says, it is a tough life being a Creature, filled with sacrifice. Some of the most loyal members of the band are talking retirement, moving on to different stages in their life. Word is out that Sheriff Tom Brown is leaving, without a farewell tour.

"I'm taking my toys and going home," Brown says.

Others are still raiding cookie jars inside the homes of distant relatives.

Most of the Creatures will be back, business as usual. Tina Lewis is ordering the seat of the late, great cowbell performance artist, Ali Ramirez, just so it isn't appropriated by a non-believer. Mike Donahue is in. Steve Walkman will be there. Cartelli. Andre. Where there's a will, there's usually $328.

"My blood pressure has gone up," says Anthony Griek, who is anteing up for the 58-game, $464 package. "The Creatures are all on edge. Some people can't afford it, which is unfortunate.

"To me, personally, it's my absolute favorite thing to do in the world," Griek says. "It's just the principle of us not giving in to upper management and today's corporate-America-Disneyland ballparks. We have fought a lot of battles and usually have come out on top."

The available Y2K packages in the bleachers go like this: For $200, Creatures can pick 25 dates, and are able to buy one playoff ticket, but without the guarantee that it will be their own seat. For $328, they get the Night Plan, 42 games of the Yankees' choosing, plus their own seat in the playoffs.

For $464, they get Opening Day, Old Timers Day, Memorial Day, plus 53 other day and night games of the Yankees' choosing, plus their own seat for the playoffs. For $648, they get it all, 81 days in the sun, rain, and illegal suds, along with the postseason.

The Yankees put this plan into effect, a spokesman was saying yesterday, to satisfy the loyal bleacher fans who were getting shut out of the playoffs. It is a fair plan, not outrageous. But there is a sense of a sinister, creeping organization that grates against the anarchic nature of the beautiful beast.

'THE WORST PART of the whole thing is that the money has to be in two days before Christmas," says Vinny Bag O' Donuts Milano. "Last year, I had the Yankee inter-locking NY tattooed on my back. This year, with what could have been my season ticket money, I added to that tattoo. I put the Championship Trophy behind the design.

"Fortunately," Milano says, "I work two jobs. I just hope my rent check clears this month. And by the way, if you want a picture of the tattoo - and who wouldn't? - let me know."

Like the man says. Who wouldn't?

LOAD-DATE: December 17, 1999