SECTION: SPORTS; Pg. 91 BLEACHER CREATURE

LENGTH: 622 words

HEADLINE: BLEACHERS ARE LIKE A DAY OFF

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:
IT IS TOUGH enough to skip a single day's work in these competitive times. But to ask for Tuesday off, and then demand the next day off instead, was stretching the limits of employment, even for the Bleacher Creatures.

Still, most of us came out to the delayed opener yesterday, to watch an 8-6 victory that was nearly as sloppy as our wardrobe - and that is saying a lot, when you consider Chuck (looks like Knoblauch) hadn't washed his No. 23 shirt since Game 4.

Chuck, aka Mike March, worked an extra shift from midnight to 8 a.m. with the Post Office at 55th and 3rd, and now he was sipping some beer to stay awake. Tina Lewis' jaw was swollen from dental surgery performed on Tuesday, when she had figured she could combine everything in one day off. "My boss said if I miss work again today, I'm on my own," Tina said. "But I'm not going to miss it for nothing."

We were still beating Texas like a cowbell, but several things were different this season - beginning with the notion of season tickets to reserved bleacher seats in Section 39. Actual ushers led actual Creatures to their hard benches, then expected actual tips.

And that wasn't going to happen.

The security staff had been completely replaced, which meant we were each starting with unsmudged slates. That was good. But below us, and between our section and the wall, the Yankees had built what appeared to be a handicapped access area.

Whether these poor souls were being used as human shields to defend enemy right fielders, or as a concession to threatened lawsuits, we could not be certain. What we could tell, however, was that these particular spectators did not appear to be handicapped at all.

"I don't want to say they're faking it, because that wouldn't be politically correct," Mike Donahue said. "But they're standing, sitting and walking around like you or me."

Donahue had planned to let the air out of the wheelchair tires. Now, he had come to realize there were no wheelchairs at all, just three rows of chairs. These were regular fans getting treated to better seats than the Creatures.

"They've built more bleachers under our bleachers," he decided. "Probably charging a couple bucks more."

Many of the Creatures, such as John McCarthy, were still paying off loans from the season-ticket package they had purchased around Christmas. Tina was able to acquire the seat of the late Ali Ramirez, original Creature, and expressed her gratitude to the Yankee organization.

That's what Opening Day will do: Turn us all sticky sentimental.

It had been one long pinstriped lovefest, starting with Handal Abdul-Rahim's tailgate party on the top of the parking garage. A half gallon of Bacardi, a liter of Seagram's 7, at 10 o'clock in the morning.

Abdul-Rahim had arrived in the "Love Machine," belonging to friend Mario, a van of considerable consequence. Who needed a limo?

There was a brief moment of silence for Steve Betancourt, a Creature killed in an offseason crash on the West Side Highway. Then, we looked ahead to another season of Yankee heroics and Met humiliations. Already, we have a much better record.

Some of us had important confessions to make. Chris Cartelli admitted he had started dating a woman from Boston, who "sort of" liked the Red Sox. She may come soon to visit the bleachers, and will receive no immunity. Andi Mango was dating a Met fan from Queens, which was even worse.

SOON, DAVID CONE threw the first pitch, a strike. Then it was roll call time. We chanted for the players, for the announcers, for Mel Stottlemyre.

"There's New Year's, there's the Chinese New Year, and then there's the Yankee New Year," Cartelli said. "Now the year really begins."

Pass the pretzel, and super-size the beer.

GRAPHIC: MIKE ALBANS DAILY NEWS CHARMING CREATURES The championship banner, No. 25 in Yanks' history, is raised as bleacher faithful howl in delight.

LOAD-DATE: April 13, 2000