SECTION: SPORTS; Pg. 63 BLEACHER CREATURE

LENGTH: 581 words

HEADLINE: LIFE NO PICNIC IN BLEACHERS YANKEES FANS ONLY AWAIT FOE

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:
CHUCK (LOOKS LIKE Knoblauch) came walking down River Ave. before the game last night with a burned Braves cap that had been swiped from a vendor at Stan's across the street from the Stadium. The cap was still smoldering. He laid it down on the sidewalk, so a phalanx of police could march over it.

And that was about the highlight of Game 4, a 11-1 loss which was a waste of everybody's time, mostly ours. The Bleacher Creatures hate being pestered and dragged into Game 5s by lesser teams. We are irritable and don't need the aggravation. Already the night before, during Game 3, there had been some family feuding in Section 39, among the Creatures. Paul Kaplan unintentionally insulted somebody's girlfriend. Anthony Griek took a swing at Mike Donahue, after a fight about who was fatter, and then the security guards had escorted Anthony out to the street.

"Without a decent team to root against, we've started cannibalizing each other," Kaplan said.

There were some fears that Anthony and Mike might go at it again during Game 4 - this argument goes way back, to the days before the Wells-for-Clemens debacle - except then Chris Cartelli remembered Mike was stuck tending bar at Pierro's for Karaoke Night.

So everything would be fine, aside from Olmedo Saenz' three-run homer and a lousy, stupid game. My fellow Creatures reluctantly greeted me with the secret handshake, after I assured them I had washed carefully after spending several afternoon hours in the Pepsi Picnic Area at Shea with my new pals.

"They should have made Lupica do that," Griek said.

He was right, of course. But there were worse humiliations afoot. The A's were getting to be a nuisance, a thorn at the bottom of the beer cup. We tried not to lose our focus. We looked ahead again to the next visitors, the Seattle Mariners, dredging up horrid memories of Ken Griffey Jr. rounding third and heading for home in Game 5, 1995.

"Here comes Griffey!"

We all remember where we were. Cartelli was at Gators Bar in Philly when that happened, surrounded by Yankee haters. A torment beyond description. Syphilis Joe, who is as proud of his nickname as he is of his new daughter Brittany, was sitting on the couch in his living room.

"I remember it vividly," Joe said. "I died."

Bad Mouth Larry was just finished with a deck hockey game, watching on TV when Griffey scored. He went outside the rink, somebody grabbed his stick and started beating another kid with it. That helped to take Larry's mind off the misery.

There is a theory going around that it was only because of that infamous Seattle series that Sheriff Tom Brown turned to drink and has not turned back since. I tried to reach him by cell phone to confirm this, but Tom was a bit out of sorts after his long afternoon at Down the Hatch in the Village. Tom wears his silver star everywhere, to attract women. Then, if they are willing, he deputizes them.

"Whoa?" Tom said. He didn't sound like he was getting much deputizing done, or that he would make it to the Stadium on time. But I digress, just as the Yankees did last night. The Creatures have decided it will be better for the Yanks to eliminate the Mariners in Seattle, in their cute new ballpark, just for spite. That's how badly 1995 still smarts.

We can be a mean bunch, nothing like the Picnic Pals at Shea. Chuck remembered how he once made an obese 10-year-old boy cry by screaming, "Eat a salad."

"He deserved it," Chuck said. "He was sitting in the box seats."



GRAPHIC: LINDA CATAFFO/TODD MAISEL DAILY NEWS FANNING FLAMES A Yankee fan (top) roots for miracle comeback against A's in Game 4 last night, while some at Shea enjoy pregame party.

LOAD-DATE: October 8, 2000