SECTION: WRAP; Pg. 28 BLEACHER CREATURE

LENGTH: 557 words

HEADLINE: NO MUTTS ABOUT IT: CITY'S OURS

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:
THIS PARADE will be different, more uplifting. Because unlike the other three parades since '96, all fine in their own way, this one today will be so much more than a mere proclamation of Yankee superiority. It also will be a joyful celebration of the humiliating Met defeat. For those Met fans today expecting gracious winners, or an inclusive civic attitude, the Creatures say, simply: "Stay far, far from the parade route."

We will be stomping on your hearts, driving flatbed trucks right over your dreams. You will be mocked. You will be tormented. And this torture will last forever, or at least as long as our mean-spirited arrogance, which is both well-earned and limitless. At last, the blue-and-orange infidels have been crushed. Their foolish boasts have been quieted by our bats, our gloves, our wicked chants.

We are waiting now for the Mets to pull up stakes, Dodger-style circa 1956, and find a new coast somewhere to play baseball. Sydney, Australia, might be a start. They have hungry sharks there, now that the Olympic triathletes have left town.

"Now we can finally put all this Yankee-Met nonsense in a hole and throw dirt on it," said Mike Donahue, Section 39 regular. "We had to wait three years for this ugly prom date and now, whenever Mutt fans pipe up, we can finally just say, 'Shut up,' plain and simple. 'Move to California.' "

Bad Mouth Larry Palumbo and Jimmy sneaked into Shea for Game 5, just so the Creatures would have some representation at the decisive title game. Somebody had to be there to watch Al Leiter pitch until his arm fell off.

Larry was kind enough to file this dispatch, rambling at times but well worth the read. It speaks to our mixed feelings about clinching the title at the decrepit pit known as Shea, rather than at our precious homeland in the Bronx.

"I don't know why the good Lord chose me (to be at Shea), but I don't care," Larry's journal reads. "I would have killed off any other fellow Bleacher Creature to be there. When times get tough, look out for No. 1. I am excited that the Mutts and their fans got to see us celebrate on their turf, and I am glad my mouth and Jimmy's mouth upset those stupid royal-orange-and-blue loving Mutt fans.

"But I am saddened that I was not in a Creature lovefest when the three-peat became official. There was definitely something missing, and I got home and took three showers, just so I wouldn't catch a rash from that place."

Now, just like the past 80 years, 2000 belongs to us. There was some talk that we might come up with our own float this time in the parade, but those plans were not quite finalized and the Creatures have only so many resources and connections once the season ends.

We go into happy hibernation soon, another banner to keep us warm for the winter. Just this last, good public laugh today at the expense of pathetic Met fans everywhere, and a timely holiday warning.

"If the Mutts and their sorry fans go trick-or-treatin' in those ugly orange and blue uniforms, just don't come to Harlem," said Big Donald Simpson, who happens to live in the neighborhood. "Because they'll be running home naked!"

THEY LOOK pretty naked already. Stripped of unrealistic aspiration, of self-delusion, Met fans have nothing left but this Yankee parade today.

Second place is everything to be ashamed of in New York.



GRAPHIC: BUDD WILLIAMS/TODD MAISEL DAILY NEWS PARADE ROOT For 4th time in 5 years, Derek Jeter (c.) and Yanks get to soak in cheers from Bomber faithful (below) at victory parade, but this time they'll also boast city bragging rights.

LOAD-DATE: October 30, 2000