SECTION: SPORTS; Pg. 98 BLEACHER CREATURE

LENGTH: 546 words

HEADLINE: FOR LOVE OF THE GAME

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:
It's October, and as usual, Mrs. Creature just doesn't get it. She never will. Explaining the lure of baseball to her is like describing the aroma of chocolate to a codfish. "I can't believe you missed your daughter's high-school open house for a Yankee game," she was complaining.

"Duh," I said.

Mrs. Creature, who recently completed an entire non-fiction book based in the Bronx without once mentioning Derek Jeter, then described how parents (by which, I assume, she meant mothers) were all very happily meeting their children's teachers Wednesday night when a voice came on the intercom system with an important announcement.

"Someone said the Yankees were losing by two points or something," she said.

Yes, two points, as in 5-3 in Game 1. It had only been a disaster, of the first rank.

Which is my roundabout way of saying that the right-field Creatures have been somewhat hampered recently in our rooting and our focus by stubborn relationship entanglements, and that this may be the root cause of our difficult struggle with the A's.

I am not arguing that women don't belong in Section 39. I am simply saying that couples don't belong there, and that they should take an extended timeout from each other when there is a division series on the line. A trial separation, of sorts.

Creatures Pat and Joe Lopez squabbled before Game 1, and look what happened to the Yankees. They made up before Game 2, but you had to wonder whether that was soon enough.

I mean, here was Joe trying to root hard for Andy Pettitte, and there was Pat telling him that he hadn't replaced the door or fixed the lights back at their Wayne, N.J., home.

"Sometimes, I don't know if we live here or in our house," Pat said, standing on River Ave. If I closed my eyes, she sounded like Mrs. Creature.

Mike Donahue once remarked in this very column that he had broken up with his girlfriend, Danielle, 17 times because of the Yankees. Then, one day, they got in a fight and broke up again because Danielle insisted they hadn't broken up that often.

Now, Donahue is under the impression he has a different, more obliging girlfriend, a fan of Brazilian soccer. Except that when he has called her house the last two days, during this series, there is only a funny sound followed by, "The number you have dialed has been changed . . . "

"If she's reading this tomorrow, she should drop a quarter in a pay phone and give me a call," Donahue said.

He sounded desperate.

Then there is the tale of Mike March and Suzy Lulgjuraj - aka, Knoblauch and Yanx Chick. They met in Section 39. Suzy gives Mike her extra bleacher tickets. It all sounds so warm and fuzzy.

Except that in the process, Suzy broke up with and crushed the heart of a third Creature, who will remain anonymous. There is tension now in the air, every time the three sides of this triangle intersect in the rightfield stands.

"You don't know the half of it," Suzy said. "I mean, it's been two years and still . . ."

Still . . . There's always a still.

Yesterday was National Depression Screening Day. A few of the Creatures, the ones plagued by Roger Clemens' hamstring or by domestic demands, might not have passed.

"Be nice to Mrs. Creature," Tina Lewis said.

Easy for her to say.

E-mail: fjbondy@netscape.net

GRAPHIC: HOWARD SIMMONS DAILY NEWS CATCHING UP David Justice tracks down Jermaine Dye's fly ball to keep two A's stranded in third inning.

LOAD-DATE: October 12, 2001