Copyright 2003 Daily News, L.P. Daily News (New York)
October 20, 2003, Monday SPORTS FINAL EDITION
SECTION: SPORTS; Pg. 67 BLEACHER CREATURE
LENGTH: 562 words
HEADLINE: SECTION 39 BELOVED, BUT NOT SO COMFY
BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY
BODY: Everybody
except Mike Lupica thinks that being a Creature is a one-way ticket to
paradise. And as usual, everybody except Mike Lupica is right. We get
to cheer the best team in sports, from the best view on the planet. We
get to commune with the greatest people anywhere, namely ourselves.
Perhaps best of all, we get to humiliate fans and players from every
other wannabe city in the country.
But
there are times when it is a trial being a Section 39er, and right
about now we are more than a bit grumpy about less than ideal
conditions. The cops are hunting us down for sipping beers, writing
summonses like we're double-parked outside the United Nations. They're
still searching for our Blue Lou, a mystery man they must believe will
lead them straight to Saddam.
The
temperature is dipping out in the right-field bleachers, the wind is
whipping, and those of us who are heading down to Miami for Game 3 are
certain to catch pneumonia by Game 6.
And
then there is the matter of the benches. Before 1996, there were
annoying, form-fitted plastic fanny seats on the benches. We had to rip
them out, a necessary home improvement. But they have been replaced by
flat benches with narrow white stripes defining each reserved place.
Don't be fooled by the cartoon that accompanies this column. There are
no seat backs in the bleachers, only herniated discs.
Like
the rest of the U.S. population, many of the Creatures have put on a
few pounds over the years. Logically, we would like the white stripes
to be widened a bit, even if such an adjustment costs George
Steinbrenner a few hundred dollars in ticket sales.
"There
are Creatures twice my size, and I'm getting squeezed," said X-Pac.
"The whole fit is too tight. My knees are going into somebody's back,
and somebody else's knees are going into my back."
It
is so crowded out there during the Series, it is often impossible to
stand up and cheer when there are two strikes on a Marlin, because
we're all locked into place. If we can't stand, we can't intimidate the
Marlins, remind them they are still high on the contraction list.
"An
inch or two more space would be more important than bringing back
beer," said X-Pac, which shows just how critical this issue has become.
Other
than the ever-increasing discomfort and harassment from law enforcement
officials, it was business as usual last night in Section 39. Before
the game, we wandered around River Ave. and listened to the insane
screaming man, a truly scary dude. We also noticed that several members
of the color guard spent a lot of time inside Stan's bar, and seemed to
come out readier to face the cold.
Pat
Lopez was wearing her "Happy Birthday" tiara (actually, her birthday is
today), as she always does this time of year. Pat tried unsuccessfully
to entice Yankee players to kiss her to mark the occasion as they
entered the Stadium. Inside the Stadium, she shared cookies with all
the Creatures in Section 39.
So it wasn't
bad out there at all. It's just that it could be better. It can always
be better. The Yankees could be up 2-0 in this World Series,
eliminating all anxiety and allowing us to head for Florida without
fear of something incredibly stupid happening.
No
matter what, we'll be warm and sitting in big, fat seats. You'll
recognize us instantly, because we'll be the ones making noise.
Document 86 of 407. 
