SECTION: SPORTS; Pg. 47 BLEACHER CREATURE

LENGTH: 631 words

HEADLINE: BAN IS LIKE TAKING SHIRTS OFF OUR BACKS

BYLINE: BY FILIP BONDY

BODY:
Is there a better way to wait out a rain delay than by sneaking through Yankee security at the bleacher turnstiles with a banned "Boston Sucks" T-shirt?

Frankly, I don't know of one. But in order to have even a tiny chance at success, you must know what you're doing, because this is a very tricky business. Maybe you wear something over the shirt in question (editors in charge at The News allowed the Filip Creature to use the offending word only once), or stick the shirt down your pants. You certainly don't do what Paco Corbalan did. Paco came all the way from Elmira, N.Y., with his prohibited T-shirt on top, poor kid, and of course he didn't have a prayer. Terrence, the security guard, led Paco straight to the men's room, gave him a warning and made him turn the shirt inside out.

"It's really stupid and unfair," said Paco, just another voice in the wilderness.

Nothing against Terrence. He performed his task, as always, in an orderly, professional manner. When Terrence is out, as he was last month, chaos reigns in Section 39. Tony Capone got roughed up that week by security while he was getting thrown out for fighting. When Terrence is around, Capone is always calm and cooperative while he is being thrown out for fighting.

Although many Creatures do not care to wear the T-shirts, most are unhappy with the idea that we are ordered not to wear them. Basically, Creatures don't like to be told not to do anything.

"It's flat-out violating our First Amendment," said Marc Chalpin from Manhattan, who has a Creature nickname much more risque than the T-shirt. "Cohen vs. California, the Supreme Court, 1971. You can look up the ruling: 'One man's vulgarity is another man's lyric.' "

Yes, we Creatures are a learned bunch. And one thing we've learned, long ago: The Red Sox are good for a few laughs in June and July, and then not much after that. Lupica announces they're not going away this season, and then they go away.

Boston fans can hope for a players' strike, as soon as possible, which might earn them a wild card. Few people remember that the team's last title, in 1918, actually took place in a war-shortened season. Surely, Boston would have blown its 2 1/2-game lead that year if it had to play 28 more games.

"They're pathetic, and it's about time we put them out of their misery," Brooklyn Joe said.

Chalpin added a final, cryogenic insult: "We don't freeze our Hall of Famers."

The warm rain made us wait. How annoying. The Creatures were stuck under the stands, sweating from the humidity, so close to Section 39 and our personal heaven.

Tina Lewis was there, an American flag wrapped around her shoulders. She noticed a bunch of Red Sox fans coming through the turnstiles, carrying a bunch of giant "Ks" they intended to post with each of Pedro's strikeouts.

This did not bode well for their survival odds during this weekend series.

"I got news for them," Tina said. "It's not going to happen."

Statman came by, full of information: He had his earphones on, his blank box score poised on a clipboard. Statman was rightfully proud of his recent declarations. When the Red Sox were at the Stadium in June, Statman predicted the Yanks would be in first by the time Boston came back.

"After a 24-7 start, they've gone 32-30," Statman said, and nobody questioned the numbers.

While Sheriff Tom and Anthony Griek were too busy partying with a celebrity radio host last night to endure the rain with their fellow Creatures, Milton Ousland had his priorities in order. Ousland's wife gave birth two days ago, to a daughter, Alysha Naomi. Ousland was at Yankee Stadium last night.

"My wife wanted me to come," insisted Milton, the Cowbell Man.

Being a Creature is more than a T-shirt. It's a way of life.

E-mail: fjbondy@netscape.net

GRAPHIC: MIKE ALBANS DAILY NEWS DISGUSTED LOOK Jason Giambi is none too pleased after striking out looking in 1st.

LOAD-DATE: July 22, 2002